OK, so the world is NOT going to end today (as the doomsday prophecies predicted).
I landed in Washington DC some hours ago and everything is “normal”.
But maybe today and this Christmas is a time to consider something very serious…
A year ago I came across a very moving article by Bonnie Ware, author of the book ‘The Top Five Regrets of the Dying‘.
Bonnie worked with patients with serious medical illnesses for many years, and she got to see people in the last two to twelve weeks of their lives.
From her experience with her patients, she found that in the final days of their lives they shared five common regrets.
As you read this, I’d like you to think of what you could do in your life or do differently to avoid any future regrets about not having lived a happier and fulfilled life.
“When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled.
Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.
2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners.
All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level.
Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love.
Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end.
That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice.
They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.
When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.”
Article by Bonnie Ware, author of the book ‘The Top Five Regrets of the Dying’.
http://www.inspirationandchai.com/Regrets-of-the-Dying.html
This article brings up serious questions that I feel should makes us examine our own life.
The poor and innocent children that died in the Connecticut shooting never got a chance to live to be old enough to ask these questions.
I know there will be some people out there who will answer with “smart” clichés like “I don’t have any regrets in my life” or that “regrets are a waste of time”.
Those lines sound nice and smart, but they are wrong. We are human, we make mistakes – and we have to learn from those mistakes.
Having regrets is not something to be ashamed of. It teaches us a lesson.
For me, I can tell you that my biggest regret is that I did not spend more time with my grandparents before they passed away. I loved them both dearly.
The truth is that our biggest regret is NOT our failures, but the moments when we lost our nerve. When we saw an opportunity and we did not take it.
This Christmas, ask yourself what are YOU doing to achieve more togetherness and peace with people that you care about – and to live a more unique and happy life?
Merry Christmas and happy holidays to you!
Alessio Rastani is a stock trader at www.leadingtrader.com
Alessio thanks for sharing this, appreciate it.
Merry Christmas and happy holidays.
Cheers,
Ethan
Hi Alessio,
Thank you for sending this nice article. It was a good reminder as we are going into the new year just in few days. You too have a Merry Christmas and happy holidays with your loved ones.
Regards,
Gozde
This article speaks volumes about what really matters. We get so focused on the prize that we don’t stop to enjoy the privilege of life and loved ones around us each and every day. Taking a step back and realizing that all the little things we get worked up about and worried over really aren’t important in the grand scheme of things. Thank you for sharing this.
Alessio – What an astoundingly heartfelt,profound and unexpected communication from a trader. In a World where all of the fundamentals in the markets are broken this is a welcome affirmation that sanity still exits in the most surprising places. As someone caring for a dying father I can confirm most of Bonnie’s observations.
Wow! That was pretty deep Alessio. Thanks for spoiling my Christmas.
Lol, No seriously. Life is about regrets. But do what I do.
Just give up thinking.
I read somewhere that drinking was bad for you. So I stopped reading.
Really seriously now.
Be true to yourself. Even when your own self is second doubting you. Have the courage to do it.
Hi Alsessio,
thanks for this article, I agree with every single word in it! And I also would like to emphasize that we make decisions every Moments in our Life. Everything depends on us and NOT on our circumstances NOT on the other people. So we are the only person who is responsible for our Life. And this is a good news, because we are independent and the only thing we have to do is to make a Decision and than to Act! The Life is as simple as that! 🙂
Merry Christmas
Allesio,
Thanks for sharing this M8!
Merry Christmas and happy holidays to you!
Pascal
The first regret would be probably the third for me. I believe that human needs to pursue to contribute to the society, whatever big deal s/he does, only then you can die with a pure heart.. But this contradicts with financial activity, anyway..
Thank Alessio for encouraging your subscribers to think about good things, you r truly amazing person
The first regret would be probably the third for me. I believe that human needs to pursue to contribute to the society, whatever big deal s/he does, only then you can die with a pure heart.. But this contradicts with financial activity, anyway..
Thanks Alessio for encouraging your subscribers to think about good things, you r truly amazing person
Thank you for sharing alessio, happy holidays and a very merry christmas to you to.
Great Post Alessio, thanks!
Completely agree with you 🙂
Doing the same……….
All the very best to you and those close to you.
x
the poem Oriah mountaindreamer the invitation is lead in my life. when you live according your inner compass there will be no regrets. merry christmas alessio and thanx for your work.
This article couldn’t be more appropriate than right now not only because it’s Christmas and the incident in Connecticut, but because I’ve been wanting to share some of this views with my older brother. I’ve thought about getting him a book but with how busy he is and how he is he’ll not read it or if he does manage to read it he’ll overlook the main message I’m trying to make him see. But I’m sure that with this short and profound article it’s bound to hit a nerve or two and maybe just maybe make him reflect about his own life too.
P.S.
The fourth regret about staying in touch with old friends really struck me because I’m the type of person who tends to forget about old friends I don’t see regularly and I’ve known this about myself for some time but have yet done anything to improve on it. I guess this will be my New Year’s Resolution… and investing in mutual funds :).
Happy Holidays and thanks for the article and everything else.
Omar B.
Great article.
Sometimes you need someone to remind you the most important things in life. It’s a pity that you need someone to tell you, but it shows that we need to stop from time to time and think a little bit.
Thanks once again Alessio, thanks
Thanks for sharing this, Alessio. Hope the cabin is a dream. Happy Xmas. x
I love this Alessio and I think it is sad but very true. I especially like the part about having the courage to be yourself. Thanks for sharing. B
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others
expected of me
I lacked confidence in my early life and “conformed” to some extent but then decided that I would “do my own thing” by taking off to the other side of the world. A decision I have never regretted, consequently I have done things that many people would have loved to have experienced I am sure. Therefore untrue in my case.
2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
I have worked reasonably hard in my life and even now being retired, I am always busy and never bored. One has to work reasonably hard to achieve anything, so no regrets there.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
I regret perhaps not expressing my feelings to my father, just before he died, but being conservative it has never bothered me that I am relatively unemotional and I am pretty “up front” over how I feel about something and don’t bottle it up. Another one that I can’t accept.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
I am always trying to keep in touch with friends and email is a wonderful way do do this. I especially like to keep up with old girl friends to retain something of what we once had and walk down memory lane. I have never had a broken relationship that ended in acrimony and while relationships change somewhat , the friendship doesn’t. I still exchange presents with my ex-wife
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
No this does not apply to me. Incidentally, it is a total fallacy that money doesn’t bring happiness. The more money I have had, the happier I have been as it brings freedom of choice. It even brings health…..but I would need pages to expand on that statement, Sufficient to say that I have always been ambitious to be content with what I have and that relieves a lot of stress and helps to lead a more balanced life. However, money would have enabled me to do so many more things in life that I shall never be able to experience. Some of them I have done, but there is always a limit and there is not room here to discuss what is a very wide and complex subject. As far as letting myself be happier….. I think I have always let myself be happy so I am not sure what that one means.
I once wrote quite a long essay on money and happiness. Basically, it all depends on your attitude and responsibility towards it.
Thanks Alessio. This was a very interesting and timely email. It is important to take stock of our lives and reaffirm that the really important stuff isn’t about just making money- especially at Christmas time. As a Christian though the main focus at Christmas for me is the birth of Christ. Without him there would be no CHRISTmas of course. I respect that some will not see it this way.
Thanks again Alessio. God bless you and your willingness to share your trading gift with the world via the Internet.
1. Succeeded. I chased several of my own dreams. I have spent thousands of hours chasing several dreams. I chose to be an expert snow skier. I did 6 full snow seasons in Australia, New Zealand, Japan, US and Canada. Didn’t get to Europe because my partner of the last 12 years hated the cold. I regret this dearly but am about to change this unhealthy relationship.My final dream is to buy and fly my own little plane around Australia.
I also became a very good golfer, a good surfer, a trader, and an inventor/entrapaneur. Each took me a lot of money and thousands of hours practising. I tried marketing several ideas/products. Some with success and some not so successful. But I enjoyed trying and the challenge.
2. Succeeded. I’ve only worked less than half the time I’ve been out of school. 16 out of 35 years. The other half have been consumed by chasing my dreams/goals and ideas.
3. Succeeded. I say it as I see it but not obnoxiously. Many people resent this and many don’t want to hear me. They dislike that I can speak my mind. Even though I put it as nice as I can, most people don’t want to hear the truth or want to think that I know what I’m talking about. Most people don’t want to be told anything.
4. Succeeded until 10 years ago. I fell in love with the wrong person. I found that I lost touch with family and friends. I used to regularly do road trips to drop in on my friends and relatives. She has made me feel guilty for wanting to do this so I stopped. I severely regret this.
5. Succeeded until 10 years ago. I know happiness is a choice. I let my love change my pursuit of happiness. I am dealing with this now.
Thanks.
Thanks for sharing this Alessio, I got it in my email and never supposed that first thing I will do today morning is wonder am I really happy in my life. I really appreciate that, it’s like getting the most meaningful message of them all!
i couldn’t agree more with you, all what was discuss are astoundingly true. thank you a million for sharing this masterpiece with me. hear from you soon.
Merry Christmas and happy holidays to you too.
Thank you for the article, Alessio. Book -The power of now- Eckhart Tolle.For me was very good.
MERRY CHRISMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR
Hi Alessio
I’m surprised not to to see the regret of not helping your fellow neighbours more and giving to those in need. Achieving financial independence is good but the true satisfaction comes in helping and sharing with others. In this world we can all do more
I wish I never heard of the fucking stock market. All I done for the last 30 years is slowly lose money , a death of a thousdand cuts. What a waste of time and greif watching my hard earned money disapear.
As I reach my 70th brithday nothing could be more true.
One of the reasons , together with friends we formed the group you’ll see on our website.
We just had our Christmas lunch, a moment to relax,as most of us are near 70, thlnking about the past and planning for the future.
Bonnie Ware is absolutely right,well do.
God bless her.
Merry Christmas, Happy & Posperous New Year to all
Forgot to mention our website ibgbrazil .com
Hi Alessio,
Awesome…..live every moment of life….
Alessio,
What a great thing to bring out at this time of year! In my work as a physician, I have seen this pattern. For patients I have known that are dying; relationships are tops. Several refer to relationships on the other side of the veil that they look forward to re-establishing. Thank you for all that you do for us and thank you for this piece.
“What er’e thou art; act well thy part”
Merry Christmas.
Thanks for the reminder and for keeping it real, Alessio. The five regrets are actually five gifts to me. People say live for the moment. Sometimes they need to be reminded why that the time one has on this Earth is no less limited than one’s accrued assets and finances. And if one is not careful it could be squandered and lost due to procrastination. One’s longevity and lifespan needs to be cultivated and maintained just like a financial portfolio as well. Be neglectful and complacent of one’s investments in one’s quality of life and it, too, will wither on the vine. The adage, as in investing, of seize the moment, also, applies to life. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you and all our fellow investors, Alessio. Thanks for everything and keep up the great work! Be well and peace.
Merry Christmas to you as well Alessio.
Let me also say this. I’m proud of you for being unafraid to say “Merry Christmas!” Hopefully you and your subscribers know Jesus as their personal saviour. If yes, then congratulations because one day we’ll meet for real. If not during this life time, we will meet in front of the throne of our King; Jesus Christ.
It is definitely the season to recognize the blessings we have received and to remember the birth of our Lord. My prayer is for you and your family to be safe and to have a wonderful rich relationship with each other and our Lord during this special time of year!
I also pray success and blessings to those of you reading this comment as well.
May God bless and enrich your study and efforts in the coming year,
Luther
I love introspection like this. But it takes time and effort to stop living on autopilot, and think different . . . as Apple famously says.
Alessio, as I was reading your review of Bonnie Ware’s book, I realized that I actually do live by these five “regrets” of the dying. For example, by following regret #2 (not working so hard), it freed me up to live by all the other four regrets. Sure, I may not be wealthy, or I may not control great business empires, but I am content. My family is at peace. We are at peace with our extended families. And we work to bring peace to those outside our circle of friends and family.
Your note, for the first time, has compelled me to examine what I would say on my deathbed. Who knows for sure, but I think that I would be . . . . content.
Great message Alessio!
In general my regrets are from things I did not try.
Live, Love, Laugh alot 🙂
Jackie
Thank you for all the information & webinars to teach us how to prosper
I would change the regrets to 1: I wish I could afford to live a life true to myself not what others expected of me (the boss) 2: I wish I could afford not to work so hard (pay all the bills) 3: I wish I could afford to express my feelings (take time off work to care for & comfort others) 5: Afford to let myself be happier (less anxiety) With your help (education) to learn to make more money, I (we all) can grow and develop another way of producing more income to be more independent (self reliant).
Thank you for the valuable information, sharing your knowledge & giving me confidence to become a better investor.
Merry Christmas & Very Happy New Year
Hi,
Thanks for deeply moving article. Wife and me spend last two years caring for our (now 3 year old son) who has been diagnosed with cancer few days after his first birthday. So all these points are what we went through over and over and when you know the destination all you want is to have a pleasant ride.
Thank you Alessio, the awareness coming from this reading is definitely going to be the best christmas present. I am sharing this right now
I really agree with you Alessio. I think people can not realize in theirs mind, that they would dye. That one day everything ends. If they could, I think they would be different. Everything would be different. There was no war, no lie, no bad people. So as we can realize that one day it all ends I suggest live your life in happiness, joy, pleasure and etc. As was said in one advertisement “Life is to short – to worry about the details”. Merry Christmas and have nice the rest part of your lifes for everyone and for you Alessio.
Yes it’s true. I do it or should I say think about it almost everyday. Dying, with a list of things I wish I had done. I already have a list and I’m no where near dead. What will I be like when I am really old and grey? I see so many friends and family I feel sorry for, really.
That´s a good article!
However I miss one thing everybody should thing when He knows is going to die Where we come from and where we go? What about GOD?
In the answers of these people we can find a common issue “love”, they think they missed opportunities to be with their families, with their friends, with more people and I think is natural: We are happy when we help people, when we help poor people, people with illness, people unhappy and in the other side people is happy when find out the sense of their lives. I know people with a lot of money unhappy and people without money happy (South america is an example) and I think the reason is that rich has the bull Gold God and the poor people has the real God that comes to earth in year 0 and gives his life for all of us and asked more love in the Earth. Happy Christmas !!
Great comments, Alessio!
Someone once told me that the key to happiness is gratitude. You can’t have happiness without it, which is a great cue for me to say, “Thank you, Alessio, for your messages this year. I’ve found so much value in them. You’re a star!”
Tim
Alessio, what a wonderful, thoughtful post. You are a remarkable person, very caring.
I understand what you are saying saying completely…I’m about 30 years older than you are and am “tidying” up a lot of things, including jettisoning bad family things, making visits to aging relatives who may not be here for much longer, making new friends, and making conscious decisions to reclaim my life and my interests after a couple of tough years.
You are fortunate to realize so many things at a young age. Thanks for this post and all you do!
Let`s go ahead, Alessio
Hi Alessio,
First of all I will thank you for everything I learned from you since I sow you in BBC.
I am not so active on commenting you, but I always se forward to get mail from you, much because I share yours personality and of course yours passion of Trading.
Yes the Life is very very short, the older you get the years pass faster and faster.
Something very Important I have learned of my life is that Real wealth is not money the real wealth and richness is TO HAVE REAL GOOD FRIEND. If You lucky Friends!.
So, I wish you the best and Merry Christmas to you to Alessio.
Best Regards / H
WOW Alessio this was really deep I never expected that. I think this article makes me feel that no matter what we do we have a choice. You write your own destiny. Hope you have a merry Christmas and a Happy New Year
Thanks Alessio for sharing this article.
Happy holidays.
Thanks
Aadi
Thanks for sharing your views on this!
We have a tendency to take the people who are closest to us for granted until they are no longer in our lives! Articles such as this would help to remind us of what is really important, and to make a better world!
Have a great Xmas!
Thanks for the Christmas message. Making money is something to be taken seriously but this reminds me that things need to be kept in perspective. Life is really about the people we care about, Love, Joy!
Merry Christmas tou you and thanks for all you share with us.
Cheers,
Andrea
Dear Alessio,
I agree with you and its true Life is what we make of it.
Wish you and your family Merry Christmas and a very happy prosperous New Year.
Arun
Thanks Alessio and Merry Chirstmas to you all of this people that subscribe here. Hope this year give us all the wealthy we expect and the live we deserve.
Happy 2013
Alessio, good article. When ever I am faced with a difficult decision, I ask myself a question, that I thought up some years ago, I ask myself, “What would I do if I had no fear?” I find this helps and stops you from missing opportunities.
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